Spirit Bound Chapter Eighteen

THE THING THAT REALLY SUCKS about being psychically linked to someone is that you have a pretty good idea when they're lying–or, in this case, not lying. Still, my response was immediate and instinctive. â€Å"That's not true.† â€Å"Isn't it?† She gave me a pointed look. She too knew that I could feel the truth in her words. â€Å"But that†¦ it can't†¦ † I wasn't at a loss for words very often–and certainly not with Lissa. So frequently in our relationship, I'd been the one being assertive and explaining to her why things had to be the way they were. Somewhere along the way, with me not realizing it, Lissa had lost that fragility. â€Å"I'm sorry,† she said, voice still kind but also firm. The bond betrayed how much she hated telling me unpleasant things. â€Å"He asked me†¦ told me specifically not to let you come. That he doesn't want to see you.† I stared at her pleadingly, my voice almost childlike. â€Å"But why? Why would he say that? Of course he wants to see me. He must be confused†¦.† â€Å"I don't know, Rose. All I know is what he told me. I'm so sorry.† She reached for me like she might hug me, but I stepped away. My head was still reeling. â€Å"I'll go with you anyway. I'll wait upstairs with the other guardians. Then, when you tell Dimitri I'm there, he'll change his mind.† â€Å"I don't think you should,† she said. â€Å"He seemed really serious about you not coming–almost frantic. I think knowing you're there would upset him.† â€Å"Upset him? Upset him? Liss, it's me! He loves me. He needs me.† She winced, and I realized I'd been shouting at her. â€Å"I'm just going on what he said. It's all so confusing†¦ please. Don't put me in this position. Just†¦ wait and see what happens. And if you want to know what's going on, you can always†¦Ã¢â‚¬  Lissa didn't finish, but I knew what she was suggesting. She was offering to let me see her meeting with Dimitri through the bond. It was a big gesture on her part–not that she could have stopped me if I wanted to do it. Still, she didn't usually like the idea of being â€Å"spied† on. This was the best thing she could think of to make me feel better. Not that it really did. All of this was still crazy. Me being denied access to Dimitri. Dimitri allegedly not wanting to see me! What the hell? My gut reaction was to ignore everything she'd just said and go along with her, demanding access when she arrived. The feelings in the bond were begging me not to, though. She didn't want to create trouble. She might not understand Dimitri's wishes either, but she felt they should be honored until the situation could be better assessed. â€Å"Please,† she said. The plaintive word finally cracked me. â€Å"Okay.† It killed me to say it. It was like admitting defeat. Think of it as a tactical retreat. â€Å"Thank you.† This time she did hug me. â€Å"I swear I'll get more information and figure out what's going on, okay?† I nodded, still dejected, and we walked out of the building together. With grim reluctance, I parted with her when the time came, letting her go off to the guardians' building while I headed toward my room. As soon as she was out of my sight, I immediately slipped into her head, watching through her eyes as she walked through the perfectly manicured grass. The bond was still a little hazy but growing clearer by the minute. Her feelings were a jumble. She felt bad for me, guilty that she'd had to refuse me. At the same time, she was anxious to visit Dimitri. She needed to see him too–but not in the same way I did. She still had that feeling of responsibility for him, that burning urge to protect him. When she arrived at the building's main office, the guardian who'd stopped me gave her a nod of greeting and then made a quick phone call. A few moments later, three guardians entered and gestured for Lissa to follow them into the depths of the building. They all looked unusually grim, even for guardians. â€Å"You don't have to do this,† one of them told her. â€Å"Just because he keeps asking†¦Ã¢â‚¬  â€Å"It's fine,† she said with the cool, dignified air of any royal. â€Å"I don't mind.† â€Å"There'll be plenty of guards around just like last time. You don't need to worry about your safety.† She gave all of them a sharp look. â€Å"I was never worried about it to begin with.† Their descent into the building's lower levels brought back painful memories of when Dimitri and I had visited Victor. That had been the Dimitri I'd had a perfect union with, the Dimitri who understood me entirely. And after the visit, he'd been enraged at Victor's threats against me. Dimitri had loved me so much that he'd been willing to do anything to protect me. A key card-protected door finally allowed access to the holding level, which consisted mostly of a long hallway lined with cells. It didn't have the depressing feel that Tarasov had had, but this place's stark and steel-lined industrial air didn't exactly inspire warm and fuzzy feelings. Lissa could hardly walk down the hall because it was so crowded with guardians. All that security for one person. It wasn't impossible for a Strigoi to break through a cell's steel bars, but Dimitri was no Strigoi. Why couldn't they see that? Were they blind? Lissa and her escort made their way through the crowd and came to a stop in front of his cell. It was as cold looking as everything else in this prison area, with no more furnishings than were absolutely required. Dimitri sat on the narrow bed, his legs drawn up to him as he leaned into a corner of the wall and kept his back to the cell's entrance. It wasn't what I had expected. Why wasn't he beating at the bars? Why wasn't he demanding to be released and telling them he wasn't a Strigoi? Why was he taking this so quietly? â€Å"Dimitri.† Lissa's voice was soft and gentle, filled with a warmth that stood out against the harshness of the cell. It was the voice of an angel. And as Dimitri slowly turned around, it was obvious he thought so too. His expression transformed before our eyes, going from bleakness to wonder. He wasn't the only one filled with wonder. My mind might have been tied to Lissa's, but back across Court, my own body nearly stopped breathing. The glimpse I'd gotten of him last night had been amazing. But this†¦ this full-on view of him looking at Lissa–at me–was awe-inspiring. It was a wonder. A gift. A miracle. Seriously. How could anyone think he was a Strigoi? And how could I have possibly let myself believe the Dimitri I'd been with in Siberia was this one? He'd cleaned up from the battle and wore jeans and a simple black T-shirt. His brown hair was tied back into a short ponytail, and a faint shadow across his lower face showed that he needed to shave. Probably no one would let him get near a razor. Regardless, it almost made him look sexier–more real, more dhampir. More alive. His eyes were what really pulled it all together. His death white skin–now gone–had always been startling, but those red eyes had been the worst. Now they were perfect. Exactly as they used to be. Warm and brown and long-lashed. I could have gazed at them forever. â€Å"Vasilisa,† he breathed. The sound of his voice made my chest tighten. God, I'd missed hearing him speak. â€Å"You came back.† As soon as he began approaching the bars, the guardians around Lissa started closing rank, ready to stop him should he indeed bust through. â€Å"Back off!† she snapped in a queenly tone, glaring at everyone around her. â€Å"Give us some space.† No one reacted right away, and she put more power into her voice. â€Å"I mean it! Step back!† I felt the slightest trickle of magic through our link. It wasn't a huge amount, but she was backing her words with a little spirit-induced compulsion. She could hardly control such a large group, but the command had enough force to make them clear out a little and create space between her and Dimitri. She turned her attention back to him, demeanor instantly changing from fierce to kind. â€Å"Of course I came back. How are you? Are they†¦Ã¢â‚¬  She cast a dangerous look at the guardians in the hall. â€Å"Are they treating you okay?† He shrugged. â€Å"Fine. Nobody's hurting me.† If he was anything like his old self, he would have never admitted if anyone was hurting him. â€Å"Just a lot of questions. So many questions.† He sounded weary, again†¦ very unlike a Strigoi who never needed rest. â€Å"And my eyes. They keep wanting to examine my eyes.† â€Å"But how do you feel?† she asked. â€Å"In your mind? In your heart?† If the whole situation hadn't been so sobering, I would have been amused. It was very much a therapist's line of questioning–something both Lissa and I had experienced a lot of. I'd hated being asked those questions, but now I truly wanted to know how Dimitri felt. His gaze, which had so intently focused on her, now drifted away and grew unfocused. â€Å"It's†¦ it's hard to describe. It's like I've woken up from a dream. A nightmare. Like I've been watching someone else act through my body–like I was at a movie or a play. But it wasn't someone else. It was me. All of it was me, and now here I am, and the whole world has shifted. I feel like I'm relearning everything.† â€Å"It'll pass. You'll get more used to it, once you settle back into your old self.† That was a guess on her part, but one she felt confident of. He inclined his head toward the gathered guardians. â€Å"They don't think so.† â€Å"They will,† she said adamantly. â€Å"We just need more time.† A small silence fell, and Lissa hesitated before speaking her next words. â€Å"Rose†¦ wants to see you.† Dimitri's dreamy, morose attitude snapped in a heartbeat. His eyes focused back on Lissa, and I got my first glimpse of true, intense emotion from him. â€Å"No. Anyone but her. I can't see her. Don't let her come here. Please.† Lissa swallowed, unsure how to respond. The fact that she had an audience made it harder. The best she could do was lower her voice so the others wouldn't hear. â€Å"But†¦ she loves you. She's worried about you. What happened†¦ with us being able to save you? Well, a lot of it was because of her.† â€Å"You saved me.† â€Å"I only did the final piece. The rest†¦ well, Rose did, um, a lot.† Say, like, organizing a prison break and releasing fugitives. Dimitri turned from Lissa, and the fire that had briefly lit his features faded. He walked over to the side of the cell and leaned against the wall. He closed his eyes for a few seconds, took a deep breath, and then opened them. â€Å"Anyone but her,† he repeated. â€Å"Not after what I did to her. I did a lot of things†¦ horrible things.† He turned his hands palm-up and stared at them for a moment, like he could see blood. â€Å"What I did to her was worst of all–especially because it was her. She came to save me from that state, and I†¦Ã¢â‚¬  He shook his head. â€Å"I did terrible things to her. Terrible things to others. I can't face her after that. What I did was unforgivable.† â€Å"It's not,† said Lissa urgently. â€Å"It wasn't you. Not really. She'll forgive you.† â€Å"No. There's no forgiveness for me–not after what I did. I don't deserve her, don't deserve to even be around her. The only thing I can do†¦Ã¢â‚¬  He walked back over to Lissa, and to the astonishment of both of us, he fell to his knees before her. â€Å"The only thing I can do–the only redemption I can try for–is to pay you back for saving me.† â€Å"Dimitri,† she began uneasily, â€Å"I told you–â€Å" â€Å"I felt that power. In that moment, I felt you bring my soul back. I felt you heal it. That's a debt I can't ever repay, but I swear I'll spend the rest of my life trying.† He was looking up at her, that enraptured look back on his face. â€Å"I don't want that. There's nothing to repay.† â€Å"There's everything to pay,† he argued. â€Å"I owe you my life–my soul. It's the only way I can come close to ever redeeming myself for all the things I did. It's still not enough†¦ but it's all I can do.† He clasped his hands. â€Å"I swear, whatever you need, anything–if it's in my power–I'll do it. I'll serve and protect you for the rest of my life. I'll do whatever you ask. You have my loyalty forever.† Again, Lissa started to say she didn't want that, but then a canny thought came to mind. â€Å"Will you see Rose?† He grimaced. â€Å"Anything but that.† â€Å"Dimitri–â€Å" â€Å"Please. I'll do anything else for you, but if I see her†¦ it'll hurt too much.† That was probably the only reason that could have made Lissa drop the subject. That and the desperate, dejected look on Dimitri's face. It was one she had never seen before, one I'd never seen before either. He'd always been so invincible in my eyes, and this sign of vulnerability didn't make him seem weaker to me. It simply made him more complex. It made me love him more–and want to help him. Lissa could only give him a small nod as answer before one of the guardians in charge said she had to leave. Dimitri was still on his knees as they escorted her out, staring after her with an expression that said she was the closest to any hope he had left in this world. My heart twisted with both sorrow and jealousy–and a bit of anger too. I was the one he should have looked at that way. How dare he? How dare he act like Lissa was the greatest thing in the world? She'd done a lot to save him, true, but I was the one who'd traveled around the globe for him. I was the one who had continually risked my life for him. Most importantly, I was the one who loved him. How could he turn his back on that? Both Lissa and I were confused and upset as she left the building. Both of us were distraught over Dimitri's state. Despite how angry I was over his refusal to see me, I still felt horrible at seeing him so low. It killed me. He'd never acted that way before. After the Academy's attack, he had certainly been sad and had grieved over that loss. This was a different kind of despair. It was a deep sense of depression and guilt that he didn't feel he could escape from. Both Lissa and I were shocked by that. Dimitri had always been a man of action, someone ready to get up after a tragedy and fight the next battle. But this? This was unlike anything we'd ever seen in him, and Lissa and I had wildly varying ideas on how to solve it. Her gentler, sympathetic approach was to keep talking to him while also calmly persuading Court officials that Dimitri was no longer a threat. My solution to this problem was to go to Dimitri, no matter what he claimed he wanted. I'd busted in and out of a prison. Getting into a jail cell should be cake. I was still certain that once he saw me, he'd have a change of heart about all this redemption stuff. How could he truly think I wouldn't forgive him? I loved him. I understood. And as far as convincing officials that he wasn't dangerous†¦ well, my method there was a little fuzzy still, but I had a feeling it would involve a lot of yelling and beating on doors. Lissa knew perfectly well that I had observed her encounter with Dimitri, so she didn't feel obligated to come see me, not when she knew they could still use her over at the medical center. She'd heard Adrian had nearly collapsed with all the magic he'd wielded to help others. It seemed so uncharacteristic of him, so unselfish†¦ he'd done amazing deeds, at great cost to himself. Adrian. There was a problem. I hadn't had a chance to see him since getting back after the warehouse fight. And aside from hearing about him healing others, I really hadn't thought about him at all. I'd said that if Dimitri really could be saved, it didn't mean the end of Adrian and me. Yet, Dimitri had barely been back twenty-four hours, and here I was, already obsessing ov– â€Å"Lissa?† Despite the fact that I'd pulled back to my own mind, part of me was still absentmindedly following along with Lissa. Christian was standing outside the medical center, leaning against its wall. From his posture, it appeared as though he'd been there for a while waiting for something–or rather, someone. She came to a halt, and inexplicably, all thoughts of Dimitri vanished from her mind. Oh, come on. I wanted those two to patch things up, but we had no time for this. Dimitri's fate was a lot more important than bantering with Christian. Christian didn't look like he was in a snarky mood, though. His expression was curious and concerned as he regarded her. â€Å"How are you feeling?† he asked. They hadn't talked to each other since the ride back, and she'd been largely incoherent during a lot of it. â€Å"Fine.† She touched her face absentmindedly. â€Å"Adrian healed me.† â€Å"I guess he is good for something.† Okay, maybe Christian was feeling a little snarky today. But only a little. â€Å"Adrian's good for lots of things,† she said, though she couldn't help a small smile. â€Å"He ran himself into the ground here all night.† â€Å"What about you? I know how you are. As soon as you were up and around, you were probably right there beside him.† She shook her head. â€Å"No. After he healed me, I went to see Dimitri.† All mirth disappeared from Christian's face. â€Å"You've talked to him?† â€Å"Twice now. But yeah. I have.† â€Å"And?† â€Å"And what?† â€Å"What's he like?† â€Å"He's like Dimitri.† She suddenly frowned, reconsidering her words. â€Å"Well†¦ not quite like Dimitri.† â€Å"What, does he still have some Strigoi in him?† Christian straightened up, blue eyes flashing. â€Å"If he's still dangerous, you have no business going near–â€Å" â€Å"No!† she exclaimed. â€Å"He's not dangerous. And†¦Ã¢â‚¬  She took a few steps forward, returning his glare. â€Å"Even if he was, you have no business telling me what I can or can't do!† Christian sighed dramatically. â€Å"And here I thought Rose was the only one who threw herself into stupid situations, regardless of whether they might kill her.† Lissa's anger flared up rapidly, likely because of all the spirit she'd been using. â€Å"Hey, you didn't have any issues helping me stake Dimitri! You trained me for it.† â€Å"That was different. We were in a bad situation already, and if things went wrong†¦ well, I could have incinerated him.† Christian regarded her from head to toe, and there was something in his gaze†¦ something that seemed like more than just objective assessment. â€Å"But I didn't have to. You were amazing. You made the hit. I didn't know if you could, but you did†¦ and the fire†¦ You didn't flinch at all, but it must have been awful†¦.† There was a catch in his voice as he spoke, like he was only now truly assessing the consequences of what might have happened to Lissa. His concern and admiration made her flush, and she tilted her head–an old trick–so that the pieces of hair that had escaped from her ponytail would fall forward and hide her face. There was no need for it. Christian was now staring pointedly at the ground. â€Å"I had to do it,† she said at last. â€Å"I had to see if it was possible.† He looked up. â€Å"And it was†¦ right? There really isn't any trace of Strigoi?† â€Å"None. I'm positive. But no one believes it.† â€Å"Can you blame them? I mean, I helped out with it and I wanted it to be true†¦ but I'm not sure I ever really, truly thought someone could come back from that.† He glanced away again, his gaze resting on a lilac bush. Lissa could smell its scent, but the distant and troubled look on his face told her that his thoughts weren't on nature. Neither were they on Dimitri, I realized. He was thinking about his parents. What if there'd been spirit users around when the Ozeras had turned Strigoi? What if there had been a way to save them? Lissa, not guessing what I had, remarked, â€Å"I don't even know that I believed either. But as soon as it happened, well†¦ I knew. I know. There's no Strigoi in him. I have to help him. I have to make others realize it. I can't let them lock him up forever–or worse.† Getting Dimitri out of the warehouse without the other guardians staking him had been no easy feat for her, and she shivered recalling those first few seconds after his change when everyone had been shouting to kill him. Christian turned back and met her eyes curiously. â€Å"What did you mean when you said he was like Dimitri but not like Dimitri?† Her voice trembled a little when she spoke. â€Å"He's†¦ sad.† â€Å"Sad? Seems like he should be happy he was saved.† â€Å"No†¦ you don't understand. He feels awful about everything he did as a Strigoi. Guilty, depressed. He's punishing himself for it because he doesn't think he can be forgiven.† â€Å"Holy shit,† said Christian, clearly caught off guard. A few Moroi girls had walked by just then and looked scandalized at his swearing. They hurried off, whispering among themselves. Christian ignored them. â€Å"But he couldn't help it–â€Å" â€Å"I know, I know. I already went over it with him.† â€Å"Can Rose help?† â€Å"No,† Lissa said bluntly. Christian waited, apparently hoping she'd elaborate. He grew annoyed when she didn't. â€Å"What do you mean she can't? She should be able to help us more than anyone!† â€Å"I don't want to get into it.† My situation with Dimitri bothered her a lot. That made two of us. Lissa turned toward the medical building. It looked regal and castle-like on the outside, but it housed a facility as sterile and modern as any hospital. â€Å"Look, I need to get inside. And don't look at me like that.† â€Å"Like what?† he demanded, taking a few steps toward her. â€Å"That disapproving, pissed-off look you get when you don't get your way.† â€Å"I don't have that look!† â€Å"You have it right now.† She backed away from him, moving toward the center's door. â€Å"If you want the whole story, we can talk later, but I don't have the time†¦ and honestly†¦ I don't really feel like telling it.† That pissed-off look–and she was right, he did have it–faded a little. Almost nervously, he said, â€Å"Okay. Later then. And Lissa†¦Ã¢â‚¬  â€Å"Hmm?† â€Å"I'm glad you're all right. What you did last night†¦ well, it really was amazing.† Lissa stared at him for several heavy seconds, her heart rate rising slightly as she watched a light breeze ruffle his black hair. â€Å"I couldn't have done it without your help,† she said at last. With that, she turned and went inside, and I returned completely to my own head. And like earlier, I was at a loss. Lissa would be busy the rest of the day, and standing and yelling in the guardians' office wouldn't really help me get to Dimitri. Well, I supposed there was the off chance I might annoy them so much that they'd throw me in jail too. Then Dimitri and I would be next to each other. I promptly dismissed that plan, fearing the only thing it would land me with was more filing. What could I do? Nothing. I needed to see him again but didn't know how. I hated not having a plan. Lissa's encounter with Dimitri hadn't been nearly long enough for me, and anyway, I felt it was important to take him in through my eyes, not hers. And oh, that sadness†¦ that utter look of hopelessness. I couldn't stand it. I wanted to hold him, to tell him everything would be okay. I wanted to tell him I forgave him and that we'd make everything like it used to be. We could be together, just the way we planned†¦ The thought brought tears to my eyes, and left alone with my frustration and inactivity, I returned to my room and flounced onto the bed. Alone, I could finally let loose the sobs I'd been holding in since last night. I didn't even entirely know what I was crying for. The trauma and blood of the last day. My own broken heart. Dimitri's sorrow. The cruel circumstances that had ruined our lives. Really, there were a lot of choices. I stayed in my room for a good part of the day, lost in my own grief and restlessness. Over and over, I replayed Lissa's meeting with Dimitri, what he'd said and how he looked. I lost track of time, and it took a knock at the door to snap me out of my own suffocating emotions. Hastily rubbing an arm over my eyes, I opened the door to find Adrian standing out there. â€Å"Hey,† I said, a little surprised by his presence–not to mention guilty, considering I'd been moping over another guy. I wasn't ready to face Adrian yet, but it appeared I had no choice now. â€Å"Do you†¦ do you want to come in?† â€Å"Wish I could, little dhampir.† He seemed to be in a hurry, not like he'd come to have a relationship talk. â€Å"But this is just a drop-by visit to issue an invitation.† â€Å"Invitation?† I asked. My mind was still on Dimitri. Dimitri, Dimitri, Dimitri. â€Å"An invitation to a party.†

Autoethnography

Autoethnography Introduction Autoethnography is a research and writing method that uses autobiographical personal narrative that explores writer’s life experience, reflective of a cultural accounting through employing features such as concrete action, emotion, embodiment, self-consciousness, and introspection (Denzin 419).Advertising We will write a custom essay sample on Autoethnography specifically for you for only $16.05 $11/page Learn More It totally differs with ethnography, as it uses the researcher’s experience instead of other people beliefs and practices while the latter uses fieldwork to interview people in order to get their views and narration that is analyzed to get a better understanding of their culture. Autoethnography, apart from revealing personal experiences in relation to some cultural account, presents a platform for questioning cultural aspects generally viewed as appropriate by the vast majority of practitioners of a given practice such as diagnostic processes. Thus, involvement of personal aspect can provide valuable insight on issues that are mostly overlooked in culture such as Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), sexuality, eating disorders and others. Institutional Autoethnography in the diagnosis of OCD presents an opportunity of using knowledge and daily events to accelerate rational and logical reasoning on social transformations needed to change psychiatric oppression (Tam 2010). Institutional Autoethnography may involve application of Autoethnography and institutional ethnography to understand a given situation. This paper will further look at understanding of OCD discourse through institutional Autoethnography by feminist psychiatric experiences and approach. The words madness and sense-making are used in this paper severally, and they are used in the following context. Madness is used to refer to the â€Å"altered states of consciousness to different beliefs/feelings/needs/behaviours that are pathologi zed by psychiatry, while sense-making refers to the both available paradigms for rationalizing madness and alternative, self-determined ways of understanding and living with madness† (Tam 2010). Understanding of OCD discourse through institutional Autoethnography Institutions are recognized as a way of governance that involves institutional discourses and technologies. People working in a certain institution are guided by institutional practices that bind them into the institutional function. Thus, an institution is mainly a coordination of people through the institution’s discursively organized practices in their system.Advertising Looking for essay on education? Let's see if we can help you! Get your first paper with 15% OFF Learn More Through institutional Autoethnography, we are able to look at how institution’s work by coordinating people and involving their organized experiences that entail reality of their life experiences and own p erspectives. The developing part of this paper is more of personal reflection on institutional Autoethnography of Tam (2010) that narrates her personal experiences with mental illness, providing an analysis of the performative aspects of OCD and her feminist standpoint in challenging the OCD discourse. OCD is a genetic disorder triggered by environmental stressors that cause chemical imbalance in the brain, leading to biologically altered mental state and leaving the individuals to steer themselves among and between the expected good habits and secret rituals (Brooks 2011). By evaluating Tam personal experiences and practices with OCD, we a see the need for personality management for people suffering from OCD and pose a challenge to existing perception of the OCD discourse. From Tam’s encounters with OCD and how the concerned professionals handle it, one is able to gain an insight on the traumatic disorder that relies mainly on communicative practices, as the disease impedes the sufferer’s social life (Brooks 2011). Tam, once a victim and now a critical reflective practitioner of psychiatry, hopes that through her autoethnographic narratives to shed light on some of the performances that can used to challenge the OCD discourse and improve understanding of self-embodied performances of the OCD patients (through sense-making). Her autoethnographic research and presentation was motivated by the fact that during that period, there were limited or no research by psychiatric survivors that critically challenged the OCD discourse, but there were only alternative studies that focused on new ways of understanding madness based on borderline personality disorder, depression, hearing of voices and schizophrenia (Tam 2010). By welcoming such an approach to madness and OCD, she feels that the proper description of this condition is at risk of being diluted or losing its context. Though unique in her approach, she has chosen also to involve works of other rese archers in the analysis of OCD discourse in order to get more insights and testimonies that can justify her research. The feminist element of her work comes from taking a feminist standpoint in regard to socio-economic disparities, colonization, racialization, and the position of disadvantaged women (mad) in the society. These factors mix, bringing about materialism and economic realities from local to universal setting; hence, personal experiences are vital in portraying the world relations (Tam 4).Advertising We will write a custom essay sample on Autoethnography specifically for you for only $16.05 $11/page Learn More In taking the feminist standpoint, she was able to explain her societal and mental illness situation she had faced, leading to better understanding of her ideas in relation to social trends and occurrences. Her standpoint tends be in agreement with other feminist researchers that encourage narratives of liberal ideas that relate to surveill ance of issues with gendered divisions in the public-private systems (Mohanram 38). These divisions further shape the relationship between class and race, making them more pronounced and perceivable. Through expressing self-experiences in a complex set up, she is not just trying to tell about herself in feminine nature, but rather, she is trying to bring out realities (sense-making). These realities in essence can provide knowledge and understanding that can lead to social transformations. Throughout her presentation, the main aim is to show how institutions’ operations have been standardized through medicalization of given patterns in habit and given affects of stress, while there is alternate knowledge regarding embodied qualitative experiences that have been wrongly absorbed and twisted by OCD discourse (Tam 3). In this study, she is able to decry the fact that a lot of useful knowledge that has not been institutionally tested is always discarded or treated as of less sign ificance in treatment of OCD patients. Her experience reveals that some of the downplayed aspects in evaluations and treatment of OCD patients are as important as the standard procedures and observations. Hence, the OCD discourse is quite biased by the institutional coordination practices that specify how the OCD victims should be evaluated, monitored and their treatment programs. Further, her research aims to unearth the fact that most of main stakeholders of the body that is charged with responsibility of determining and modifying OCD discourse lack some of relevant experience. This is vividly highlighted in the following argument â€Å"that the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) is articulated by a body of knowledge-makers who are not themselves located as having lived experiences with the phenomena described exposes the disembodied (â€Å"I†-less) nature of such a text† (Tam 3). By involving sense making in this situation, she is trying to logically challenge the doctored gaps between OCD discourse and real life situations that if appropriately used can aid in psychiatric evaluations and OCD discourse. In addition, she reveals that, through lack of experience, many professional helpers are unable to understand the OCD discourse in cultural context. Thus, her presentation in summation shows that there is need of institutions and professional helpers to adopt and understand self-embodied communication practices in handling of the OCD patients rather than following the OCD discourse only as guided by their institutional practices.Advertising Looking for essay on education? Let's see if we can help you! Get your first paper with 15% OFF Learn More Brooks, Catherine F. â€Å"Social Performance and Secret Ritual: Battling Against Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.† Qualitative Health Research, Vol. 21 Issue 2, pp.249-261, 2011. Web. Denzin, Norman K. â€Å"Analytic Autoethnography, or Dà ©j Vu all Over Again.† Journal of Contemporary Ethnography, 2006 Vol 35 Number 4, pp 419-428. Mohanram, Radhika. Imperial white: race, diaspora, and the British Empire. Minnesota: U of Minnesota Press. 2007. Tam, Louise. Class aspiration, Diaspora, and Disease with the ‘Neurasthenic’ condition: Feminist sense-making through an institutional Autoethnography of OCD discourse. Conference Proceedings, 2010. Web.

Definition of Fugitive Slave Act

Definition of Fugitive Slave Act The Fugitive Slave Act, which became law as part of the Compromise of 1850, was one of the most controversial pieces of legislation in American history. It was not the first law to deal with fugitive slaves, but it was the most extreme, and its passage generated intense feelings on both sides of the issue of slavery. To supporters of slavery in the South, a tough law mandating the hunting, capture, and return of fugitive slaves was long overdue. Feeling in the South had been that northerners traditionally scoffed at the matter  of fugitive slaves and often encouraged their escape. In the North, the implementation of the law brought the injustice of slavery home, making the issue impossible to ignore. Enforcement of the law would mean anyone in the North could be complicit in the horrors of slavery. The Fugitive Slave Act helped inspire a a highly influential work of American literature, the novel Uncle Toms Cabin.  The book, which depicted how Americans of various regions dealt with the law, became extremely popular, as families would read it aloud in their homes. In the North, the novel brought difficult moral issues raised by the Fugitive Slave Act into the parlors of ordinary American families. Earlier Fugitive Slave Laws The 1850 Fugitive Slave Act was ultimately based on the U.S. Constitution. In Article IV, Section 2, the Constitution contained the following language (which was eventually eliminated by the ratification of the 13th Amendment): No Person held to Service or  Labour  in one State, under the Laws thereof, escaping into another, shall, in Consequence of any Law or Regulation therein, be discharged from such Service or  Labour, But shall be delivered up on Claim of the Party to whom such Service or  Labour  may be due. Though the drafters of the Constitution carefully avoided direct mention of slavery, that passage clearly meant that slaves who escaped into another state would not be free and would be returned. In some northern states where slavery was already on the way to being outlawed, there was a fear that free blacks would be seized and carried off into slavery. The governor of Pennsylvania asked President George Washington for clarification of the fugitive slave language in the Constitution, and Washington asked Congress to legislate upon the subject. The result was the Fugitive Slave Act of 1793. However, the new law was not what the growing anti-slavery movement in the North would have wanted. The slave states in the South were able to put together a unified front in Congress, and obtained a law that provided a legal structure by which fugitive slaves would be returned to their owners. Yet the 1793 law proved to be weak. It was not widely enforced, partly because slave owners would have to bear the costs of having escaped slaves captured and returned. The Compromise of 1850 The need for a stronger law dealing with fugitive slaves became a steady demand of the slave state politicians in the South, especially in the 1840s, as the abolitionist movement gained momentum in the North. When new legislation concerning slavery became necessary when the United States gained new territory following the Mexican War, the issue of fugitive slaves came up. The combination of bills which became known as the Compromise of 1850  was intended to calm tensions over slavery, and it did essentially delay the Civil War by a decade. But one of its provisions was the new Fugitive Slave Law, which created a whole new set of problems. The new law was fairly complex, consisting of ten sections that laid out the terms by which escaped slaves could be pursued in the free states. The law essentially established that fugitive slaves were still subject to the laws of the state from which they had fled. The law also created a legal structure to oversee the capture and return of fugitive slaves. Prior to the 1850 law, a slave could be sent back to slavery by the order of a federal judge. But as federal judges were not common, it made the law hard to enforce. The new law created commissioners who would get to decide whether a fugitive slave captured on free soil would be returned to slavery. The commissioners were seen as essentially corrupt, as they would be paid a fee of $5.00 if they declared a fugitive free or $10.00 if they decided the person had to be returned to the slave states. Outrage As the federal government was now putting financial resources into the capture of slaves, many in the North saw the new law as essentially immoral. And the apparent corruption built into the law also raised the reasonable fear that free blacks in the North would be seized, accused of being fugitive slaves, and sent to slave states where they had never lived. The 1850 law, instead of reducing tensions over slavery, actually inflamed them. The author Harriet Beecher Stowe was inspired by the law to write Uncle Toms Cabin. In her landmark novel, the action does not only take place in the slave states, but also in the North, where the horrors of slavery were beginning to intrude. Resistance to the law created many incidents, some of them fairly notable. In 1851, a Maryland slave owner, seeking to use the law to gain the return of slaves, was shot dead in an incident in Pennsylvania. In 1854 a fugitive slave seized in Boston, Anthony Burns, was returned to slavery but not before mass protests sought to block the actions of federal troops. Activists of the  Underground Railroad  had been helping slaves escape to freedom in the North before the passage of the Fugitive Slave Act. And when the new law was enacted it made helping slaves a violation of federal law. Although the law was conceived as an effort to preserve the Union, citizens of southern states felt the law was not enforced vigorously, and that may have only intensified the desire of southern states to secede.

Motivation Research Paper Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 750 words

Motivation - Research Paper Example These goals need to be ‘communicated’ to the team members. This communication is the second step in motivational strategy for project teams. Once the team members recognize goals and objectives, they can then focus on getting things done instead of thinking about experimenting random strategies. They will start to analyze processes with the comprehension and the focus of their target. This will give less chance to potential strategies becoming a waste of time. Next, the team needs the right tools to execute the plan set out by the project manager (Tran, 2009). Equipping them with the right tools is as important as communicating the goals. For instance, in this particular case, upgraded websites need to be sold. This is basically a marketing campaign and requires tremendous energy and innovative ideas. The team members must have Internet access while they brain storm and share ideas. They will know which marketing tools are most effectively working during the current period. They can use those tools and sell the websites and logs to customers and staff. Not having the right tools is a potential set back as it can lead the team to a lesser motivated state. Staying connected and following up over the life of project is mandatory. This communication needs to be between project manager and team members as well as among team members. Project managing (especially with teams) is not something that can be successfully accomplished by giving one set of instructions and the job will be done. It requires persistency and frequent or even constant communication. Here are few systematic approaches to motivating teams; A reward system doesn’t need to be expensive and it doesn’t always have to include financial rewards. Many managers find themselves in a difficult situation when they want to give incentives to employees to motivate them but the managers don’t have enough finances to reward them. This is a very easy scenario. Low

IN ORDER INSTRUCTIONS Essay Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 750 words

IN ORDER INSTRUCTIONS - Essay Example After finding the data, Friedman experienced difficulties in publishing her articles, books and magazines on the topic due to its sensitivity. Later on, she managed to publish a book in 1963. In the introduction part of the literature, Friedman calls the problem nameless. She goes further to describe the unhappiness women were going through in the 1950s and 1960s (Coontz, 2011). Friedman has discussed the lives of several housewives in US, and how dissatisfied they were as housewives despite having husbands and children and the material comfort provided by their husbands. According to Friedman, the average marriage age was going down as the birthrates were going up during the 1950s. Women were persistently unhappy in marriage despite the fact that the American culture firmly held the view that women could only meet their fulfillment in housewifery and marriage (Coontz, 2011). Friedman decided not to ignore the voice within the American women, which insisted that they needed more than a home, husband, and children. The Feminine Mystique further insists that editorial decisions made in periodicals about women are made by men. Men could fake stories like women are satisfied by their housewifery positions, and that they are neurotic careerists to create â€Å"feminine mystique.† Feminine Mystique means that women are naturally satisfied of their housewifery roles. This fact contrasts the 1930 literature, which featured independent and self driven heroines who were career women (Coontz, 2011). Friedman recalls her decision of abandoning her career to raise children in conformation to societal expectations. The trend was the same because women were abandoning careers and studies to get married and raise children. There was fear that waiting for too long before getting married would scare potential husbands. Friedman has discussed how founders of feminism fought against the idea of confining women to housewifery. These feminists managed to

Romeo and Juliet Shakespeare Essay Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 2000 words

Romeo and Juliet Shakespeare - Essay Example It is actually surprising but for many people today, reading Shakespeare's language can actually cause them quite a bit of confusion, and some people get truly frustrated at this because they want to be able to properly understand the works and the motives of Shakespeare in general, however, it should be known that this is an incredibly popular problem, and also that it is one which can be particularly easily fixed. Basically what needs to happen is that the readers of today's world need to be able to develop the skills that are needed for untangling unusual sentence structure and problems of the like - these are actually not as much problems as they are facts; we have been taught to read and write a certain way and so when we go to read or look or convey something that is different - in this case older - than what we were taught with, then we obviously have troubles, but this should really be expected. Anyone and everyone can truly understand how to gain these necessary skills, howe ver it is sure to take more time for some than for others. Also, remember that even those who are skilled with the reading of unusual sentence structures, even they may have trouble or some sort of difficulty with Shakespeare's words. In regards to the matter of how he structured the language of characters of differing status in order to be convey differences, such as differences in regards to gender, class, and political faction, for instance; there are actually many key points that need to be made in regards to how he structured the language of each character. Basically, the language of Shakespeare's poems, like that of poetry as a whole in general, is typically both highly compressed and highly structured, and yet when you finally realize the true point that is being made, it can be surprisingly simple; for instance we can start with Scene One, where the act opens with some of the men of the Capulet clan who are meeting on the street with men of the Montague clan, and then a brawl erupts. During this brawl, citizens begin to join in and fight, and then the heads of the houses of both Capulet and Montague come upon the scene, and then finally the Prince of the City arrives. Basically, particularly in regards to the conversation in this scene, the dramatic purpose that was given by Shakespeare was to introduce the fact that the families are bound together by an ancient blood feud that has grown to a lethal hatred; the way in which he makes each family speak different shows how he purposely structures the language of the different characters in order to show their personal differences; we see from the way the Montague's and the Capulet's speak that they are different. The Montague's are clearly considered as being of lower class and of lesser political faction and dramatic function, especially when compared in place to the Capulet's. As well, there is an enormous difference between the languages of the two genders in Romeo and Juliet; even without the prologue informing who of who is speaking at each time you would easily be able to tell who it was, and what their gender was; Shakespeare's writing is incredibly and autonomous in that he never wavers

Indoor Flower Arrangements Tips

Indoor Flower Arrangements Tips Arranging flowers can give peace of mind and can also lead to the attainment of patience and strength in adversity. If only the first of these claims is correct how worthwhile it is to spend precious time in selecting flowers and putting them into a vase for the pleasure and delight of those who will enjoy them. The pleasure and satisfaction that can be obtained from arranging a bowl of flowers would be difficult to express. Here are a few room-by-room ideas for everyday decorating. Step inside The atmosphere of a house is not only determined by its living quarters: the reception area at the front door can also play a role. Vestibule, hall and stairway are the ‘introducer of every home. Here, visitors receive their first impression of you. So make these areas more welcoming and attractive. An arrangement of vibrant blooms, such as Sada Bahar or Bougainvillea a floral swag at the front door makes a memorable first impression. Flowers for the kitchen The kitchen is, of course, also an ideal place for flowers. Wild flowers (Gull Benaphsha) and Sunflower in a jug on the counter top can make a great impact. Moreover an arrangement of colored flowers, such as Zinnia presents an ideal environment to a kitchen. Dining among flowers Numerous families also enjoy the presence of flowers at mealtimes, even if this consists of nothing more than a ‘simple flower on the table. An elegant centerpiece of Daisy and Lily creates an intimate dining environment. You can use fresh flowers for creating centerpiece flowers arrangements in which you can place different fresh flowers around two candles in a beautiful manner. The windowsills and cupboard tops are usually festooned with Cactus flowers in small bowls in dining room with less space. Bedroomflower arrangement Bedrooms are now often graced with a profusion of vigorous flowering that really enjoy the somewhat cooler environment. A small arrangement of Roses promotes an atmosphere of rest and romance. A much more attractive arrangement in a long, fairly narrow room is to display flowers like Cosmos in two or three groups. Two or three good places are far more effective than small spots of flowers dotted all over the room. Living room dà ©cor Every interior can be enhanced with flowers. Try floating three or four flowers such as Motia, or brightly colored Tulip petals in a crystal bowl on central table in your living room. Group arrangement is also true for living room dà ©cor Tube Rose and Canna is a best selection for this. Brightly colored flowers such as Pansy or Daffodil flowers are the perfect addition to a windowsill. Bathroom flowers Add a touch of class with an arrangement of miniature Carnations-long-lasting blooms that act as natural air fresheners. Wall flowers When home is small, anything which can be hung on a wall is an advantage. It is possible to create something pleasing to suit the room exactly. The flowers used can be sweet and traditional; with masses of character in a different kind of room can seem strong, up-to-date and vital. Certainly the size can be made to fit exactly the space available and containers to hang on a wall, both modern and antique, are a pleasure to seek out. Particularly in a small room it is good to be able to have a selection of containers which can be changed now and then. A number of a wall vase and containers can be used singly or in a group to show off a single full petalled rose, a gathering of mixed garden flowers, or a few attractive woodland leaf rosettes. Selection of vases and other containers When you make your collection of vases and other flower containers for arrangements, there are some essential points to take into account. Choose a vase that complements your desired arrangements. You dont want to arrange white and pink flowers in a red vase. When you choose your vase, try to imagine what your flower arrangements will look like in it when its completed. You can use different types of vessels for this purpose like soup bowls, coffee cups or sherbet glasses. Short steamed flowers look beautiful in these containers. The most popular shape of vases is Urn, generally all sorts of flowers set best in these vases. But Lilies and other flowers with large and showy heads look excellent. For many arrangements using only a few flowers, it as very useful to have in store a collection of two kinds of vase: glass bottles with narrow necks and steamed cups or goblets. The narrow bottles can take tall-stemmed specimens, whereas the goblets and so on can be used for extremely variegated displays, by embedding short steamed flowers and other plants in a bed of suitably pliable material. Color of flowers Choose colors which complement the decorating scheme of the room. However, dont be locked into the idea that the colors of flowers must match those of the upholstery or draperies, especially if they are colors which do not normally occur in nature. Permanent flowers will always be more pleasing, and they will never go out of style. Better to use a flower in a peach or coral hue, which is the direct chromatic complement to turquoise and a naturally occurring color of roses. Choosing the complementary hue allows the flowers to stand out as a lovely accent to highlight the room. Points to remember Choose flowers that are almost open fully, cut at a slant and place in water. Remove bruised petals and leaves that do not look very good. Change the water in the vase when it becomes cloudy. Use at least three different kinds of flowers in an arrangement. They can be the same color, but different shades or they can be different colors that complement each other. Source Decorating with plants, living color in the home by A.C. Muller-Idzerda Elisabeth de Lestrieux Indoor flowers-A popular guide by Brain Valerie Proudley http://www.chennaionline.com/homedecor/flowerdecoration.asp By Amber Saleem 12- Gosha Angoori Park Link Road Baghbanpura Lahore.